Survivors of Suicide Loss
TODAY’S MESSAGE OF
FROM
Discovering a BETTER LIFE MINISTRIES
(Stories of Real People, Real Events, Real Places)
Are dedicated to HELPING
PEOPLE FIND PEACE and HOPE
(John 10:10)
(April 15th, 2020)
Survivors of Suicide Loss
Friends, in over 50-years of Christian ministry, I have experienced the sad task of conducting funeral services for men and women, both young and old, who have gassed, drowned, hung, shot, and drug—overdosed themselves.
Such occasions have only reinforced my determination to do something positive to help men and women (especially our youth) to realize that there is a better way of dealing with stress, pressure, and depression, than destroying themselves.
A recent report In The West Australian newspaper indicates that Suicide is a leading cause of death in people under the age of 44 in Australia, and that more people die each year from Suicide than in accidents on West Australian roads. That report went on to say, that on average, 238 people commit Suicide in Western Australia every year!
These startling statistics depict Suicide as a growing epidemic and very high on the option menu for many of our young people. In fact, according to the World Health Organization, Australia has the fourth highest youth suicide rate in the world.
Sadly, every year in rural Australia many people are committing suicide, and each suicide, leaves many distressed survivors. Grieving the loss of a loved one is painful enough, but Suicide survivors face a more complicated grief because they must also deal with the fact that their loved one chose to die.
In fact, suicide devastates family members for many years; family survivors are at a greater risk of suicide themselves and the pain ripples out to entire communities.
Friends, some years ago I received a letter from an anonymous person who was a reader of my regular weekly column in the Farm Weekly for many years.
The following is the text of what this person wrote to me:
“Dear Ron, I have been an avid reader of your column for many years and have just read your latest in the week of 4th July issue of the Farm Weekly. It has just occurred to me that you may be able to help us in our small community through your column.
Some weeks ago a young farmer in our area took his own life. This man was 32 years of age, had a lovely wife a couple of years younger & 3 lovely children 7, 4, and 2. No one can understand “WHY.” He was in a reasonably sound financial position, unlike a number of his friends.
A friend of mine is concerned about the number of his friends who are in total denial and cannot accept that he “Shot” himself and that it was not an accident. She has asked me what can we do for these people and till now I have felt there is nothing we can do.
Most of the friends of this young man are not church going people, but they are farmers and do like to read the Farm Weekly and I do know that some of them do read your column. Hence the reason for this letter! Could you address this situation through the weekly column? I may be asking for too much, but I feel it is worth a try.
One of the worst affected, are the 2 young friends who found him and the ambulance volunteers who helped or heard about it, then his friends and possibly family.
I am sure if you are able to address this, some good will come out of a very sad situation.
Thank you for the many times you have given me the answer I have been looking for, but could not see till I read your message.
Do keep up the wonderful work and I am sure a lot of people who would not even own a Bible regularly read your column.
Best regards, an avid reader.”
Friend, my heart was deeply touched as I read this letter concerning the suicidal death, in an isolated rural community, that had shattered an entire community of friends, with many unanswered questions as to “WHY?” such a tragedy should take place.
In response to this person’s letter, in which he asked me to address the suicide tragedy they had experienced in their small community, I immediately prepared the following message, which was subsequently published in my regular Farm Weekly column.
I share that same message with you today in our Discovering A BETTER LIFE Daily Message of encouragement, with the sincere intention of encouraging anyone who may have suffered the loss of a loved one, that they may understand there is always help available.
Friend, having myself, suffered the loss of loved ones who have chosen to end their life by suicide. I understand that it is hard to believe life can ever be normal again. However, there is hope! Although you are changed forever by such a tragedy, life can once again have hope and meaning.
Naturally, when someone you know and love has ended their life, you may at first feel stunned and troubled by the powerful reactions you experience. Sometimes you might feel very angry – at your feelings, or at other people around you. Sometimes you may feel like dying too. It is only natural that some very confusing and emotional times can be expected and you will need support.
What becomes of these intense, relentless feelings? They usually diminish as months and years pass, although some residual feelings may remain unresolved. Recognizing how best to accommodate and cope with these feelings can help you advance the healing process.
When we experience the suicide of a relative or close friend, talking and sharing with people who love us lightens our burdens and the pain becomes less intense. In fact, survivors of suicide need to let others know that talking about suicide is essential to the healing of powerful emotions that merge and explode in the initial aftermath of losing someone who has chosen to take their own life.
Survivors often feel numb, or deny that their loved one committed suicide. Sometimes they go to great lengths to persuade themselves that the death was accidental or the result of a murder, even in the overwhelming evidence that it was suicide.
On top of this, many survivors experience the emotions of guilt, fear, anger, or a sense of personal failure. These feelings may cause some survivors to become depressed or be overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Sometimes this depression will skew their perspective and distort their thinking and when they reach this point, they need professional help.
Perhaps, like the person who asked me to write about coping with a suicide loss, you too are struggling with how you can comfort a suicide survivor. If so, I’d like to provide you with a list of things to do and things not to do to comfort survivors.
My TO DO LIST is simple:
Give those who are grieving, all the understanding and love that you can. Give them your time. Be there for them as often as you can. Let them talk about whatever they are feeling or thinking, and let them express their grief.
Offer ideas but not advice, and let them decide what they want to do and when they want to do it. Pay attention to brothers, sisters, and grandparents during the funeral, as well as the months following the funeral. Listen when they want to tell you about the special talents and qualities of their loved one who committed suicide.
Encourage Suicide survivors to read inspirational literature, poetry, the Bible (i.e. Psalms 23, 46 & 103; Romans 8 & 12), or books by people who have experienced profound grief, yet found hope, peace and joy in living. (I suggest ‘A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis).
My DON’T LIST is also simple:
Don’t assume you know best, or know how they feel. Don’t make comparisons to your own loss of parent, child, or friend who did not die by suicide. Don’t tell them how they should feel, or try to change their feelings. Let them feel whatever they are feeling and wherever they are feeling it.
Feelings are personal and individualized. Don’t tell them this was Gods will or preach to them. They will draw strength from their own faith, if that is important to them. Don’t change the subject if they want to talk about their lost loved one.
If the loss was a child, don’t point out the fact that they have other children. Children are not interchangeable. And don’t add to their feelings of guilt by pointing out things that could have been done differently.
Obviously there are many more “DO’S” and “DON’TS” that I could share with you, but space does not allow me to list them. However, if you would like a more comprehensive list I’d be happy to send that to you.
For now, I sincerely hope that these thoughts I have shared with you today may have provided you with some skills to cope with suicide, as well as being in a better position of being a helpful friend to a suicide survivor.
Friend, if you and your family have a Christian faith it would be meaningful to gently remind yourselves that God’s power and strength never diminish. He is never too tired or too busy to help and listen to us talk about whatever it may be that burdens us, and His strength is our source of strength in our times of greatest need.
It is important to understand, that when we feel all of life crushing us and as we struggle with coming to terms with our own feelings, perhaps thinking we cannot go another step! It’s important to remember that we can call upon a loving God to renew our strength.
In fact, that is what God promises us through the prophet Isaiah in chapter 40:31, when Isaiah writes that: “They who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Friend, I sincerely hope that as you read and share this promise from God with your family members you will all be reminded that the Master of the universe, who loves and cares for us all, is waiting, right now, to give you and other family members and friends the strength and grace to help you all through your present difficult time.
One more thing, if you or someone you know is grieving because of the Suicide of a relative or close friend, then we want you to know that help is available. Lifeline can be reached on 13 11 14.
The Salvation Army’s Hope for Life website: www.suicideprevention.salvos.org.au also provides details on how to support someone affected by Suicide.
Advocates for Health website is: http://americanaddictioncenters.org/co-occurring-disorders/
Learn Psychology’s website is: http://www.learnpsychology.org/suicide-depression-student-guidebook/
Friend, perhaps you will find some help and comfort for yourself and family in the PDF Handbook for Survivors of Suicide. This is a free of charge downloadable book for people who have lost a loved one to suicide, written by someone who has suffered the same loss.
The Discovering A BETTER LIFE team have found this PDF Handbook to be wonderfully comprehensive and an extremely practical and helpful resource for sharing with others who have become survivors of suicide in their own families.
This PDF Handbook for Survivors of Suicide reveals that there is comfort in knowing that others have walked a similar journey. I would encourage you to check it out and share from it, with others, whatever information you feel might be of help to your own grieving family members.
www.road2healing.com provides a wealth of information and resources to help grieving survivors. It is a non-profit Christian support group for those who have felt the devastation of suicide. It is designed to help men and women who are groping through the pain of being left behind, to help them work through issues of guilt, God, anger, etc. Its mission is to help men and women find hope for future again, and the strength and courage to reclaim their lives.
Two other sites you might find helpful in dealing with any depression that may present itself in your life or other family members are:
www.undoingdepression.com/ -- Is a Self Help Site.
Friend, if after looking at these sites you would still like for us to send you the booklet we have offered below, please let us know and we will be pleased to send you one.
Finally, if you are affected by the loss of a loved one through suicide, may God bless you with His healing, peace of mind, and love, along with the wisdom and the strength to return to a normal life!
With Christian love,
Ron and the Discovering A BETTER LIFE team
One final thing, if you or someone you know is grieving because of the suicide of a relative or close friend, then we want remind you again, that help is available.
If you would like to avail yourself of this help, we encourage you to contact Discovering A BETTER LIFE for a FREE copy of a small booklet titled “Surviving a Loved One’s SUICIDE.” Our mailing address is: P.O. Box 1540, Albany Western Australia 6331. Phone us on: (08) 98 418 418 Or E-mail us at: abl-alb@omninet.net.au
STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
“Don’t lose hope.
When the sun goes down,
The stars come out.”
Friend, until tomorrow, when we shall share a new message of encouragement with you, may our Loving God lift you up on eagle’s wings and provide you with His Peace, Wisdom, and Love (ISAIAH 40:27-31).
Ron Bainbridge
Co-ordinator of:
We invite you to visit our Website Blogs:
Media Outreach of Kendenup church of Christ
Comments